Archive | December 2012

“all we know about the future is that it’s going to be different”

 

How do you sum-up a year?

While letting the last tears of 2012 fall, I will try….

2012 has been a challenging year for most people I know.

Whether they have reached today feeling triumphant or rewarded or if they are still battered and bruised, I think most of us will agree that something major shifted in our universe, and we ALL had a little wobble or even fell completely off our feet.

I thank my lucky stars for  helping me make it through the most unsteady time of my life. Looking back – my fresh start, the days and months that followed, the fear of the f*ck up, being stuck in the mud and the ‘one foot in front of the other’ approach that brought me to TODAY  were all apart of this ‘new beginning’.

Through all the uncertainty that this process holds I find myself in a job I love, more rewarding than I ever even imagined possible. Not only do I love it, but I am also brilliant at it (even if i say so myself). I have the opportunity to travel the world with this new skill, and make a difference. Looking back at my silent prayers to the universe last year, before the walls crashed in on me, THAT’S what I wished for. That’s ALL I wished for.

And in hindsight I see that my prayers have been answered, pretty loud and bloody clear, but when wishing for a rewarding job, while dreaming of making a difference I didn’t realize that in order for the Universe to answer my prayers, and give me what I was asking for, that my life had to drastically change.  This new life could not squeeze into my other life; it could not just fit in to how things were.

I had to change; I had to be available emotionally and with my time.  And my heart, mind and routine were devoted to one particular person. There was no room for growth, there was no room for teaching, there was no room for anything else.

I wouldn’t have been able to give more than just the basic requirements, I wouldn’t have been able to teach, share, inspire, motivate, connect if I had not hit rock bottom. I would not have been able to learn. I would not be able to really see anyone or anything else. But now I can.

I am learning & I am teaching.

These have been my lessons this year, and I realise I even tried to plan my process of discovery, and therefore stopped moving until I just started to remind myself to trust the process.

What got me through the uncertainty?

Little sayings, that really touched and made sense to me and would often become my mantra for a day or a week or more. Words are powerful.  The mind is so strong. But when my strength of mind failed me, uncertainty is was I made myself thrive on. The excitement of uncertainty.

“All we know about the future is that it’s going to be different.”

This is just the beginning.

I have laid my foundations for what I really want, this is just the tip of my iceberg and just the introduction to my process.

2012 I spent rebuilding my wings

2013 I fly

Dear Past,  Thank you for the lessons  

Dear Future,  I am ready.

‘where the magic lies’

Dear Miss Control-Freak & Miss Eternally-Addicted-to-Love

I honestly feel that being so full up on relationships your whole life, You let a part (or parts) of you disappear. I feel like aspects of you are still 16 years old, left behind when you fell in-love for the first time.  And (just ssssshh and listen for minute, there is a point to this) you don’t notice your lack of internal growth when you’re in it, (I am not criticising you!) I understand that, because these passionate relationships fill so much of you up with love, obsession, anger, frustration, sex, comfort blah blah blah . . . There is no room for anything else, there IS no void – until it’s over. (Okay,I see I have your attention…)

But now you are beginning to realise how many different spheres of yourself exist and  need inspiration, need to be nourished and why it felt like your world was crumbling down around you, a year ago, cause it was… He was your world. A ‘he’ always was.

It is true that love is so so (too) powerful, and it has the ability alone to inspire and colour the darkest world in minutes.  But to do it yourself is so beautifully challenging, I feel a bit robbed that you are only waking up to this now.  Is it just a coincidence that You have now found a job that inspires, rewards and fulfils you? After quietly praying for so long for just that.  It’s nothing like you ever imagined. Planned. Stressed about and calculated.

Things never happen as planned, but that’s where the magic lies. You are embracing the unexpected and flourishing through this process. I knew you would.

It’s because You are slowly tapping into who You are, that You are colouring your own world. In all the shades You choose. There is so much of you that has been left blank.  And I know you never liked the term ‘work on You’ so let’s put it this way –  pick up your crayons and keep colouring….

Yours truly, Guidance