Almost a year ago I met you, and how deeply I wish I never had.
Although at the time I was so grateful, that while the universe had taken something from me, it had replaced it with something else . . . (to my devastation and dismay as well as some months later). . . only to rip it away ~
Since the day you left, I’ve wondered why you even came into my life, why you lifted me up then slowly chipped away at my defences until you shamelessly broke me down
But it’s actually quite simple, really ~
I was an easy target for a predator like you; who lives on nothing but your own selfish instinct, greed and hunger. I had no fight left ~ Boy, you did well
Well done on hunting someone already wounded
Congrats on winning the lying game with the most honest person you’ve ever met
2 thumbs up to you for shattering someone who was already broken
I’m sure your little black heart is proud
[~ deep down, something told me you were going to hurt: If nothing else, I’ve learnt to trust my intuition ~ I trusted you, I thought I saw your heart: you took my kindness for weakness and used every last drop]
I visualized the me I want to be. And I created it. Began to create it.
I never wanted a “him” to be my world again, a natural co-dependency and place of comfort I so easily fall into when in love. My default setting.
I realise the universe is giving me what I need. Not what I want.
I have been telling myself that, but not understanding it.
Its given me someone who cannot be my world. Someone who will not allow himself to be my world. To teach me that there is a middle ground between loving myself and someone else.
I can see this now. How much healthier everyone would be if we are a beautiful part of eachothers life. A piece of eachothers joy.
I am strong and unstoppable. All I need to do is keep it that way.
I see myself becoming weak and vulnerable. I can’t let myself fall to my knees with devotion. I need to put ME first.
And all the rest will follow.
Original written: 31/08/2014 ~ old school pen on paper style